WHY DID YOU MOLEST ME?

I'm not sure what I did to deserve this life. Why I seem to have been a target for so many sick minded people. I was only 4 years old when I woke up and you were on top of me. I'm not exactly sure what you were doing but it was weird and I was afraid. I'm not sure why you thought someone as young as I would be enjoyable to you but still you continued with your act. Why are you here? I know my mom was suppose to be babysitting and left us there alone. Perhaps it's just as much her fault as yours. It seems you had more in mind than I could have imagined because the next thing I know you made me have sex with my sister, and your sister, and your brother. For months this went on with no one there to put an end to it. Where's my mom? When I got older and my mind tormented me with these thoughts, I decided I would find you and kill you for what you did to me, but I found out that you were already dead. Was this God's way of avenging me? Not again? You said we were friends. You know I'm timid and naive. Is that why you targeted me? As we walked home from school we talked and laughed and joked just as always. You excitedly and innocently told me you wanted to show me something underneath the bridge and without hesitation I followed. I don't understand how things turned so bad so quickly. I'm confused as to why you're grabbing me in such a rough manner. I'm terrified as you throw me to the ground and start pulling down my pants. Why are you doing this to me? The pain is unbearable and to this day I still remember the feeling, the smell and the look on the guys face as they rode by on the train. I remember running home in shock because of what just happened and when I finally got there after what seemed like an eternal run, I ran to the bathroom and looked at myself in the mirror and I cried. I cried as I got the tissue and wiped myself and saw all the blood. I cried even more when I realized that I didn't have anyone to tell and even if I did, what would I say? 7th grade was a great time until you ruined it for me. The walking bridge was a relaxing walk home and then you changed things for me. Walking home now became a very terrifying thing because I never knew when you would show up. Why did you have to keep torturing me? I didn't like what you did to me so why are you following me around the neighborhood, to the store, to the bathroom in school? I lived with what you did to me for a very long time until I just couldn't take it anymore. I made up my mind that I was going to kill you for what you did to me, but to my surprise I found out that you were already dead. They say you died of Leukemia. Was this God's way of avenging me for what you did to me? Stop lying, stop the lies. My father was a good man and would never have done anything to hurt me so why are you saying all these awful things? I'm so upset with you that I think I hate you. In my eyes you're no longer my sister.... but wait... I just talked with my great uncle and he told me that my father use to work as a butcher and later he told me that my father loved black lights. It's very interesting the way these important facts came out in the hours that we talked. Something is starting to stir in my mind. Is it possible? Could it be possible that the dream I've been having all these years about a man glowing blue who's face I couldn't see was not a dream after all? Was this actually my father with his work clothes on, the white shirt and white pants, coming in and picking me up as I laid on the bed, in the room with the black light? Why am I afraid? After all it's my father. Why does it feel so strange when he touches me? Maybe it's because I'm so young and don't understand what's going on? I won't lie to myself any longer. I know what you said about my father was true now. Now I'm no longer tormented by this strange dream because I realize it wasn't a dream. But now I'm faced with the fact that my father touched me in a way that he shouldn't. No. God please tell me this is not happening again. I thought they told me you are a preacher and a principal. You're scarring me with your ramblings. I'm not feeling to comfortable with you stating that even the wisest of men in the bible had faults. That Abraham was a drunkard, and that David was a fornicator. Why are you telling me these things? What are you...... I can't speak, I can't think. Fear has taken over me. Please stop rubbing my leg. I can't take this anymore.